Just today, while in the backyard garden, this fine woman found this huge Morel mushroom. This species is very edible and being widely collected locally, but to date, after seeing many Facebook postings, this appears to be the largest by far. While it is true many of the toadstoolers have presented nice mushroom of various sizes, none seem to stand to the size of this beauty. Nate. Jeremy, and Jane have all made elegant finds on their property but this over-shadows their meager efforts.
While it appears to be a touch stem heavy, it is not GMO and not injected with cocaine or other stimulants that some less unscrupulous individuals use. No quantitative easing or other manipulative systems have been used to generate a false sense of size. Ann is 6'4" and 235 lbs just to give scale.
When the mainstream media picked this story up they were so excited, they ran it ahead of the important news dealing with the Kardasians and the NASCAR results. They were particularly impressed with this delectable example because it appeared to be not just be Morchella esculenta but a subspecies, erectus giaganticus. Because of the coverage internationally, Valdimir Putin contacted Ms. Ann wanting to make a purchase. Now this individual, Vladimir, is from a long line of Impalers and Inhalers (or was that Bill?), as in Valdimir the Impaler.
Initially, there was great excitement but having only one, she and her delightful husband decided to have it with a nice Buffalo steak. After consumption it was found that the fungi was a rather potent aphrodisiac. Instantly, they realized why Putin wanted the find as he wanted to be another impaler. This issue also made us wonder if the initial Impaler of the 14th century was a different type of impaler than thought. Maybe Impaler was an euphemism.
Still very excited by the find, and exhausted by the affects of eating it, it has been thought marketing these toadstools might actually be a cure for poaching Rhinos. This clearly would be an opportunity to grow a natural produce, make some bitcoins, and at the same time save the Rhinos from extinction. The Morchella esculenta erectus giganticus could be ground into a powder and sold where horn is now king. The aphrodisiac affects would replace the low quality of the horn. I just love it when my brain is working.
No comments:
Post a Comment